More than I thought; less than I wished (6 posts to go…)

Within the first year of Finn’s life, all three of us in our family have enjoyed the delirium of general anesthesia through surgery.  Mom for a D&C.  Finn for the cyst above his eyebrow.  And I for my gall bladder.

That’s a lot of doctors to see, and prayers to pray.

Today was crazy.  Not only did I speak twice this morning and Mom and I attend a class for Q&A, but I also worked on the largest financial deal of my life.  I had to hunt down a notary at the school before school began and then another one after our presentations were done.  Last night, I was also up till midnight, printing, signing, and emailing papers.  We have a prayer team at Soulation who regularly prays for us.  I think that upheld us to keep our attention on the students with so many big things going on around us.

One of my jobs is to invest.  Another is to volunteer as Soulation’s president and one of its speakers/writers.  The latter is dependent on the former, as you can guess, while Soulation continues to be a donor-supported work.

And God is good to carry us through.  At times, this last transaction led to some nail-biting.  I don’t think Finn noticed.

This is something I’ve learned with Finn:  I’m able to do more than I thought I would.  Before Finn, I expected to be more shut down.  I thought so many avenues would screech into crawling traffic.  But, remarkably, we continue to press forward.  People ask us how we co-parent with Finn and still do Soulation.  It helps that we work together.  That’s one thing.  The other is that we work hard at it, communicating, sharing, assuming nothing is the work of “woman” or “man.”  It remarkably comes together.

I’ve also learned this: I’m unable to do as much as I wish.  I read far fewer books that I should this past year.  I’ve written less (apart from this blog).  I’e not started a new book like I had intended.  I’ve had to take fewer opportunities to reach out.  It saddens me when we speak at a school and students ask us to come to their classrooms because they want to discuss.  So few get to hear the kind of material we share, but we have to say “no” so often.  I didn’t say “no” as often in the past.  But with Finn we must.  We sleep less at night and have less energy.  And Finn also has his own needs.  We can help the students or take care of Finn.  But usually not both.  I fear this would happen, expected it to happen, wished it wouldn’t happen.  I grieve when it doesn’t happen when I sense it as my calling.  But so it goes.  I hope this is but a season.  I see fields white for harvest and some left unharvested.

This is yet another thing I’ve learned.  Kids can take you out.  And when they take you out in negative ways, I’d like to think that’s part of the fallenness in this world (if the world wasn’t fallen, then people would lack the needs).  And in a fallen world there are casualties. Better for me to admit causalities than turn a blind eye with the praise of parenting.

But no one can do everything.  With children comes expanded responsibilities.  Baby becomes a ministry too.  I understand Paul even better now.  Before, I knew him in theory; now I know him in experience.  I better see what it means to “serve God without distraction.”  I once thought that meant emotional distraction.  Now I see it’s practical distraction.  A Dad lacks the time, arms, and strength to carry the world on his shoulders.  He’s sometimes just glad that baby is clean and fed and that he got half a banana for breakfast.

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